I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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