i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I am midnight drunk by noon
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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