Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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