who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize