her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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