You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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