Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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