1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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