hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize