I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
how drunk are you?
Several
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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