I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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