I think my fart just growled at me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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