ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
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dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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