I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I got inside last night via doggy door
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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