k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
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I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
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I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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