On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize