batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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