I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
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Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
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My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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