He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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