What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
do herpes really smell.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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