I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize