i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
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Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
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He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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