and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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