I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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