the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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