you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
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You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
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Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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