someone threw a dead crab at me
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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