bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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