I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
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The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
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Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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