No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
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my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
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Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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