Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize