And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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