Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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