So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize