i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a blender
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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