on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
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Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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