My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize