Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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