I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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