Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
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She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
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I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize