I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize