im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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