i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize