I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I touched a dick in church today
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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