smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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