he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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