What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
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He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
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If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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