Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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