I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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