I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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